my last few posts were sooooo long.
so here's a short one: my jaunt up to the bay area was extremely nice. just what the doctor ordered... and i think i can face my last week and one day of school w/ the right attitude and amount of needed energy (kids get very unwieldy as the summer draws nearer...).

can you believe i'm leaving in 10 days? whoa!!
that's all! short, as promised. =)

oh, this is a very long entry about poker...

so i played in a poker tourney yesterday. it was one that was set up by a small group member to fundraise for our service activities. Since some of the proceeds were coming my way as financial support for my missions trip, i thought the least i could do was take part, donate my $20 buy-in, and have fun. =)

The set up was really organized - there were 4 different satellite groups. Each satellite group could have as many people that wanted to play, and for every 3 people, one person could advance to the final table. The final table was held yesterday at 8pm, so all satellite games needed to be done before that. In the end, there were about 12 people who advanced to the final table, and the top 10 received some sort of prize ranging from two U2 tickets (1st prize) to a used Van Helsing dvd (last prize). All prizes had been donated.

The satellite group i was assigned to was actually at the location of the finals. We met at 5pm to begin our game and since we didn't need to travel anywhere afterwards, we decided to play till 7:45. At that point, the 3 people w/ the most chips would advance.

It was interesting and different playing with new people. Since poker for me is about hanging out w/ friends, I've mostly played w/ the same group. I think out of my normal group, i'm one of the worst. I just have a lot of trouble reading people - the main problem being that i'm gullible. The other problem is that i'm incredibly risk-adverse. I'm not a "gambler" by nature, and most of the time, i just want to keep the chips i have and play as long as possible to continue hanging out w/o losing money. Granted, there are thrilling hands and i have nights where i walk away w/ some profit, but most of the time, i'm really happy at the end of the night if i've earned my $5 buy-in back.

At the satellite game, the first part was just feeling out the other players. It became clear pretty early on that some of the other players hadn't played as much... at first i was happy b/c i thought that my experience could help me exploit their weakness (haha!), but then i realized that i had absolutely no idea how (silly me). I haven't played w/ enough newbies to recognize their playing patterns and therefore got just as intimidated by some of their aggressiveness. I was putting them on higher hands than they had... so i became fairly low-stacked pretty early and then just tried to maintain. I was determined as the only girl, to represent and at least not be the first one out (not very high expectations, i know). But as the clock ticked and the 7:45 time limit drew nearer, I realized that i might as well play a little more recklessly b/c i had no hope of getting to the final table. It was at this moment that I hit a lucky streak of cards - woohoo! That built up my stack a little, and on the very last hand of the game, I hit a straight on the flop. The other bottom players just made a play at it to give themselves a chance at winning so two people ended up going all-in. Winning that hand put me from 7th place to 1st in the satellite game. I advanced up!

At the final table, we raised the blinds every 15 minutes and I eventually got blinded down to a pretty low stack - but the super aggressive people kept battling it out and knocking each other out. I couldn't believe it when it hit me that somehow, i was in the top 3! what?? I found out last night that the way i play, although weak in home games, is really well adapted for tournament style. I have a lot of patience for runs of bad cards, and even when i have a decent hand, i'm not resistant to folding it if i put the other person on a higher hand. I'm basically like a slug that sticks around for a long time, even when i don't have much money left. I had a miniscule stack of chips, but again, i didn't have to do any work b/c the top 2 went head-to-head and someone got knocked out. HAHA! I just laughed and laughed that I ended up in 2nd place! I really believe that skill had very little to do w/ it. =)

So my prize?? every one calling me a card-shark, and a brand-new Michael Chang tennis racket! such a weird evening. but fun. =)

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missions update: I'm at 100% support! WOW! God really provided abundantly! Now, i need to buckle down and pray a lot more in preparation!

So i've been finding out the last several weeks that caring about something broken is really hard. i'm not referring to people - b/c we're all broken and yes, really really loving people is quite difficult but at least people aren't mindless institutions run by cuckoos. i'm going to sound like a ranting lunatic, but i speak the truth. =)

if you haven't guessed, i'm talking about my school. my urban, public middle school in the 2nd largest district in the united states. the district that is ranked at the bottom of the nation. I've assumed quite a few leadership positions this past year, and i think it's helped me to grow in many ways and become a better teacher. However, it's also given me insight into the wallowing mess of district bureaucracy. I care about this school b/c i've grown to love the faculty, campus, and yes, even my crazy 7th grade students. I have so many role-models smattered across my school - highly motivated, caring teachers who work their butts off. But delving head-first into solving some of the basic problems at our school, I ended up hitting a big dead-end and a loud "NO THANK YOU" from the top.

When i started to see how I could perhaps help pick up some of the broken pieces of my school and use my talents to create some positive solutions, I had such encouraging support from teachers but faced extreme opposition from administrators. My adminstrators take district mandates and follow them blindly without regard for the needs of our students. The directives from the top could be accomplished in various ways, but inevitably, my principal and a.p.'s take the path of least resistance - which just does an injustice to our students. In the past, I've been fairly successful at compartmentalizing my academic/professional life apart from my social life (not as successful the other way around), but I recently became so frustrated that I started to carry the stress with me.

Part of me wonders why education is a field where incompetent people can flourish. What does that say about our nation's priorities? As many good teachers as we have, I hate to say that we have several who are just absolutely terrible. I am ashamed on behalf of them how little they do to get a paycheck - teachers who show videos nearly everyday on topics not related to their subject, who give assignments that require thinking skills no higher than coloring in the lines, some who actually degrade the students and call them awful things... and b/c of our union, these teachers can never and will never be fired. If they're extremely horrid, sometimes they can be transferred to another school - but i think it usually involves a "trade" where you hope and cross your fingers that the teacher you get in return is less bad. =) I just see very few professions out there where if you don't do what you're supposed to do, you won't be fired - even bag-boys at grocery stores can't get away with that. My district seems to have been modeled on a rigid caste system.

Even sadder is that some of these bad teachers become administrators (WAY more pay) and likewise, when they're not very good at their job, they just get traded around to different schools. That's actually how we ended up with our principal and one of our assistant principals when our former administrators retired.

In order to let go of the stress, i've found that one very effective solution is apathy. But that's a horrible solution - so I've learned to leave it up to God. I have to trust that somehow, even these struggles are meant for His glory. And of course, I have to leave myself open to several options. This would the ONLY reason I'd maybe consider going into administration myself. I want to fix all this brokenness. I want to solve not only the logistics, but also heal the distrust of the staff and the hurt that has come from the negativity of our leaders. It's been a weird journey and I wonder what God will do with these feelings of mine.

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On a WAY more positive note: Missions update! I found out where I'll be and that I will be working with college students. So cool. And, i'm at 85% of my fundraising and have LOTS of committed, prayer supporters. This summer's going to be great. =)