i'm so full...

as i alluded to in my last update, i was kinda down for a while. probably one of the worst bouts i've ever had b/c i was struggling through some identity issues. it spiraled down to the point of me wondering about the meaning of life and...all i felt was emptiness.

but i realized the other day that i no longer feel that way. instead i feel full. satiated. thank goodness the duration of my depression didn't match its depth. and though some of it was simply alleviated by time, most of it is due to friends' prayers and my desperate, needy faith in God's character. He is good - i knew that to be true...i just had to believe it & live it.

now, i feel like i've been living such a life of abundance these past few weeks that i haven't even had time to update.

1) my week in Houston was the best i've ever had at home. i can't describe how nice it was to be w/ my family (& many times, my brother had me laughing till tears came out), but i also cherished my alone time. God definitely used this time as the turning point, it's like He pushed a reset button in me.

the standard tradition of enjoying TexMex together

2) since i've been back, i've been using a lot of my time to help others. i've been volunteering ~4 hrs/day at the Westside Pregnancy Resource Center and helping various friends move and paint. it must be b/c serving is one of my spiritual gifts, but at the end of the day, even if all i've done are menial tasks, i feel alive. do you know how good that feels?

3) i've been able to do some of my most favorite activities recently...
- swim! a LOT - i took lessons for 2 weeks
- watch some *excellent* movies (incl. Sophie's Choice & Apocalypto)
- rediscover my love for reading
- plan a vacation
- bike (i might want to buy one?)
- play a strategy board game
- rollerblade at the beach

4) and i still have so much to look forward to in the next month. i'll be leaving today for a week-long camp near San Diego for foster children. and the Chinese orphan camp is less than 3 weeks away!

my identity issues are not solved - i'm still struggling w/ low self-confidence and w/ who God wants me to be...but for now, i'm really enjoying living in so many answered prayers and discovering a joy that's deeper than i've ever had.