"what's next?"

i picked up my rental car today. I went boring and cheap and got a Toyota corolla... but I did add a little flair when i chose the blue one. I've never driven a blue car before and i must admit, there's a bit of "thrill" to the newness. =) My rental is the newer model of the corolla and i feel slightly jealous that i missed getting this model by a year. my poor 2002 model is a wonderful car but not quite as nice as my rental.

but why do i have a rental? because i got into a pretty serious accident this weekend. i was in so much shock from it that it didn't hit me till a full 36 hours later that i could have died. Saturday, I was driving on the freeway to visit my grandparents in orange county. suddenly, i couldn't control my car and i kept swirving left and right, each time with more and more force... trapped between 2 cars, i couldn't move anywhere to safety. I remember the sound of the crash more than anything else and then the spinning round and round and round. I kept telling myself to "wake up!" but nothing happened. When the car stopped spinning, i pulled over to the left side of the freeway and jumped out of the car.

My left back tire had popped while I was driving at 65 mph. Clouded in panic, I had pulled over into the carpool lane and cars were incessantly honking at me. I dialed 911 on my cell and got a BUSY signal! what? Luckily, i was able to reach a friend who calmed me down and called the police for me. I watched as the other 2 cars involved in the accident pulled over to the right side of the freeway. I couldn't see the entirety of the damage from my point of view, but it freaked me out that the driver in the car i hit wasn't coming out of the car. For a full 10 minutes, i thought i had killed someone.

Twenty minutes later, the police car showed up, stopped traffic, and directed me to the right side of the freeway. There, i was able to see how much i had totaled the car i had hit. I still have no idea where the 3rd car came into play...did i hit it as well?

Thank God that:
- NO ONE WAS HURT!
- the drivers were both incredibly nice people. as the tears were raining down, one of the drivers (of the car i had completely crushed) came over and gave me a big hug and reminded me that accidents happen and that no one was mad at me.
- i was in the middle lane on the freeway or else i would have it the divider wall and had a much more serious accident.
- it was during the day and it wasn't raining
- my airbag didn't go off or else i would have been more seriously injured.
- the AAA guy was so generous and changed my tire for free even though i'm not a member.
- my friend was home when i called.
- i drive such a safe car...i LOVE my car. while the front frame is messed up, the damage on my car is minimal compared to what i did to the other car.

Questions i still have:
- was it the nail in my tire (found later) that caused it to suddenly pop?
- was there anything i could have done to lessen the accident? should i not have hit my brake?
- what is my next insurance bill going to look like? eeek!
- what does God have in mind for me?

I could have so easily died in that accident. it scared me at first, but now i kind of recognize it more as a fact. My life didn't "flash before my eyes" but now that i've survived, i think maybe i can live with the confidence that God has more planned for me. To die is to gain but to live is Christ. I need to remember that and listen to what God has in mind. i guess that's part of the emotional healing that has to happen. =)