can't vacation

it is taking everything in me to not read HP...but i'm glad i've held off b/c i want long stretches of uninterrupted time to read it at my own pace. and it really is making me look forward to the week after i come home from China - maybe it'll stave off my typical post-missions-blues.

originally, i wasn't sure if i was going to blog about my trip to Hawaii b/c i felt guilty taking it, but you know what? it's okay to enjoy the good things that God provides! so... my roommate's getting married in Sept. and wanted to take a last-hurrah girls' trip. she, her cousin, and I booked a last minute deal and headed off to Waikiki this past Friday.

it was my first time in Hawaii - i think i was saving it for a honeymoon but since there isn't one looming in the near future, this was as great of a time to go as any. =)

i always imagined that people handed you leis as soon as you de-planed in Hawaii so i was kinda bummed when we weren't greeted by smiling luau ladies. BUT, eunice totally has the hook-ups. her financial advisor, who adopted us as daughters for the wked, picked us up at the airport, handed us these beautiful orchid leis, kissed us on both cheeks, and took us on a short tour of Honolulu.

the next day, we rented a car - primarily so that we could get to Costco to purchase HP books...but since we had the rental (upgraded to a convertible for free), we decided to tour a bit of the island. although it was overcast and rainy, that didn't deter us from some fantastic eats:

this was the original shrimp truck on Oahu. literally, it's this big ghetto van that sells the most amazing garlic shrimp. yum....

and of course, we had to have some shaved ice. @ Matsumoto's, they put ice cream at the bottom of the cone! me and my sweet tooth would've had 2nds (& 3rds) if the line wasn't so long.

my #1 goal was to take a surf lesson, which i got to do the following morning...

don't i look way cool? haha...

i found that it was MUCH
easier to "pop up" & stay
up in these waters (vs. in SD).
it probably helped that i've
been swimming so often
and have a tad more strength.

what i liked about all my
surfing pics (i didn't even know
someone was taking these)
is that i have a huge smile on
my face in every single one.


this series was made me laugh b/c
i was headed straight for the guy
and i remember yelling that he'd
better move b/c i had no idea what
i was doing...

look at my masterful dodging!
of course, i probably fell right after
passing him. =)

my 2nd favorite memory was later that day. it was the 15 min i spent struggling to get myself onto a plastic blow-up raft. it kept flipping over and throwing me off. don't know why this was so much fun, but the other tourists sure got some enjoyment watching me giggle harder and louder w/ each attempt.

this has truly been a sunscreen summer. we only had one day where the sun came out, yet i still came back 10x darker and slightly burnt! even w/ my 20-minute ritual of lathering sunblock everywhere each time i put on a swimsuit. i'm a stinkin' sun sponge... my mom would be appalled if she saw me. she nagged me about how dark (& as result, ugly) i was in june - what would she say now??

anyways, this being my 1st beach vacation, i found out something about myself - i'm a freak and can't seem to properly vacation! i woke up every morning at 6:30am just so i could go out and play in the ocean. and i went back out in the evening too. most of this time was by myself (the girls were too busy w/ HP). i planned on getting some rest but didn't. what's wrong w/ me? =)

i was so scared at the start of the summer... too much free time usually makes me restless and depressed. but instead, it's almost like i haven't had a moment to breathe. and i thought i was simply filling up my time with activities, but i've found that thru them, God has been working to heal me. i'm glad that i'm heading off to china now vs. even a few weeks ago. it's all in His timing. as a result, i know He's good better than i've ever known, and i trust Him more too.

jumble...

yesterday, i had contact w/ harry potter in 3 different media: i watched OotP, i listened to the audio file of SS while rollerblading @ the beach, and i'm re-reading HBP in anticipation of #7.

i wanna know i wanna know what's going to happen! BUT i'm dreading the end of this fantasy world so much that i'm gonna wait to read the last book. that means i'll have to frantically plug my ears and sing loudly while others discuss it, but being gone for 2 weeks in china should put me far enough away. i'm saving it till i get back - that'll give me something to look forward to when i come home, not to mention something to do while i'm still jet-lagged.

speaking of which, am i ready to go?? not yet! eeek! but the greatest blessing and prep has been meeting w/ my teammate on a weekly basis. i'm so thankful for her and that we can ground ourselves in prayer before we leave.

so i spent last week at Camp Alandale. it's a christian camp for foster children.

the theme for the week

random snapshots throughout the week: it was non-stop from 7am - 11pm...we kept the kids busy w/ fun activities, stuffed them w/ food, and spent a lot of time w/ bible stories and memory verses. for many of these kids, this is the only time all year that they are near adults who shower them with love and attention, not to mention show them how to walk the Walk. speaking of showers, i didn't take one for 4 days! no time! hence, the hat. yuck, huh? =)


up until a few days before our session started, the staff had only 3 confirmed counselors. Heidi recruited me at the last minute to pull the # up to 8 - so when we arrived on Sunday, i was greeted w/ the biggest smiles and tightest hugs. it's an incredible feeling to know that YOU are an answered prayer!

and i went from feeling *pumped* to getting really sick on Monday. I was dizzy, throwing up, and completely out of commission... and i questioned God - why had He brought me here if i was going to be useless.

His plan, as often happens, was different than mine. i did get better by Tuesday and got to spend the rest of the week with my 2 campers. over and over again all week, we told the kids how precious they were to God - that not only is He a treasure but that they are a treasure to Him. in the end, i can't say for sure how effectively He used me, but i do know that the message seeped into my heart and was exactly what I needed to hear. independent of my usefulness, of all the low self-confidence issues i have, I am a treasure to God, I am valuable to Him.
the heavy part of camp was hearing the kids' stories. it made me so angry - the tales of abuse, neglect...by parents and even foster parents - all right here in california! and while some of the kids have truly let God into their hearts, many have not. it was hard saying goodbye, letting them go back to their difficult lives - but i'm learning what it means to take His yoke. it would be too hard to carry the burden of their stories with me, it has been hard carrying the stories of my orphans from last summer - on my own, if i kept this up, i would just get more and more weary & weighed down. it's too much to hold in one human heart. but i'm learning to lift it up to God, to trust that He'll protect these children, and even better, that He'll finish their stories and make them into testimonies.

i'm so full...

as i alluded to in my last update, i was kinda down for a while. probably one of the worst bouts i've ever had b/c i was struggling through some identity issues. it spiraled down to the point of me wondering about the meaning of life and...all i felt was emptiness.

but i realized the other day that i no longer feel that way. instead i feel full. satiated. thank goodness the duration of my depression didn't match its depth. and though some of it was simply alleviated by time, most of it is due to friends' prayers and my desperate, needy faith in God's character. He is good - i knew that to be true...i just had to believe it & live it.

now, i feel like i've been living such a life of abundance these past few weeks that i haven't even had time to update.

1) my week in Houston was the best i've ever had at home. i can't describe how nice it was to be w/ my family (& many times, my brother had me laughing till tears came out), but i also cherished my alone time. God definitely used this time as the turning point, it's like He pushed a reset button in me.

the standard tradition of enjoying TexMex together

2) since i've been back, i've been using a lot of my time to help others. i've been volunteering ~4 hrs/day at the Westside Pregnancy Resource Center and helping various friends move and paint. it must be b/c serving is one of my spiritual gifts, but at the end of the day, even if all i've done are menial tasks, i feel alive. do you know how good that feels?

3) i've been able to do some of my most favorite activities recently...
- swim! a LOT - i took lessons for 2 weeks
- watch some *excellent* movies (incl. Sophie's Choice & Apocalypto)
- rediscover my love for reading
- plan a vacation
- bike (i might want to buy one?)
- play a strategy board game
- rollerblade at the beach

4) and i still have so much to look forward to in the next month. i'll be leaving today for a week-long camp near San Diego for foster children. and the Chinese orphan camp is less than 3 weeks away!

my identity issues are not solved - i'm still struggling w/ low self-confidence and w/ who God wants me to be...but for now, i'm really enjoying living in so many answered prayers and discovering a joy that's deeper than i've ever had.