so... can you believe it? i can't...

i got into another car accident this weekend. WHAT? but luckily this time was nothing like last so no worries about all that craziness. I was driving to church in my rental and as i was exiting the freeway on one of those 270 degree cloverleaf turns, my car slid on a puddle and i crashed into the divider. no one else was involved, the damage is minimal and if it was my own car, i wouldn't even fix it...but i'm scared that the rental place is going to file another claim with my insurance company so i'm forced to get it fixed. $300 estimate for a little bit of paint and a small un-denting of the bumper.

my life doesn't seem real anymore. there are just too many moments that feel out of touch. in the 2 seconds it took my car to slide into the divider, i really really thought it was just another bad dream... one of the many i've had since the other accident just ONE short (but very long) week ago. the crashing sound was worse than the actual damage but it was still freaky enough to still resound in my ears.

what can i say? it's been a tough school-year so far...a lot of brokenness. and even though I know better, I find myself questioning God if i did something wrong. Like Job, i want to know "WHY?" I search myself to see if i have hidden sin, to wonder if it's just mass punishment for something. I'm stuck in a works-based system. It's so sad that i'm so utterly forgetful of His righteous justification...His once-for-all sacrifical act. As I face all these weird circumstances in my life, I need to forget about me and remember that my life isn't my own. It belongs totally and fully to God - He bought it and can do w/ it as he pleases. So now, i just need to focus on my absolute need for Him and His glory. focus, focus, focus...