"The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight"

Christmas has already come and gone, but this line from a carol has stayed with me.
it's beautiful.

Think about all the disappointment we face - in small things like movies, big things like career choices, and especially people... and then there's Christ who meets all expecations.

Reading back on my journal, God has been pointing out to me the last few months to take captive every thought for Him. and yet, while i've been blessed beyond measure when i've actually done it, it's still hard to let go completely. Why do I hold on so tightly to my own hopes and dreams, my shortcuts and idols?

When i come face to face with the pain they inevitably bring, the worst part is the residual disappointment in myself. The fact that i can commune with God daily and yet remain so selfish and self-absorbed. the struggle is not with the world, but a desire to escape from myself.

but then it's time to fall back on the grace of God, surrender, and let Him take my thoughts captive. all my past hopes and fears, all my current and even future ones are met in Him. and not just mine but everyone's.

while conscious of the grace story, i'm still reluctant for it to live in my heart, to let it sing and heal me. yet He loves me.